The Aussies are doing that Baggy Green thing again
As Australia eats itself over the ousting of coach Justin Langer, we are reminded that there is nothing more nauseating than the Baggy Green™ crew in full swing.
Langer and his pals are angry he lost the job despite on-field success, which does seem a little harsh until you recall his woodpecker management style and constant clamour for “no abuse but plenty of banter”, laid bare in Amazon doc The Test.
But his former captain Steve Waugh doesn’t agree, and he made his case in a series of impassioned Instagram posts, where he claimed the decision “doesn’t add up.”
Waugh was ably supported by trusty old bootlickers like Adam Gilchrist, who added his insight – “nicely said, skip” – in the comments below.
In Australia, these moments of self-reflection seem to bring out a strange a mix of management consultancy platitudes and stag do familiarity, leading to phrases like Langer’s infamous “Elite Mateship” motto.
Even the usually likeable captain Pat Cummins was at it this week, indulging in some horrendous baggy green bingo as he defended his team by referring to “the sanctity of the change room” and “duty to our mates”.
And then there’s Langer’s best pal, ‘Matty’ Hayden. Haydos to his mates. A bloke who dresses like Toadfish Rebecchi and speaks like an unsuccessful applicant to the McKinsey grad scheme.
“Appalling,” was his verdict, to which he added the warning: “You’re going to have a warrior in Justin Langer who may never want to get back into the fortress of Cricket Australia.”
Even by Haydos’ standards, that’s absolute drivel, although it doesn’t quite beat his claim that cricket “has got such a huge role to play in terms of the stability of mankind”.
It’s this veneration of cricket that leads Australians, usually celebrated for their informality, to do dramatic shit like cry in press conferences, hold solemn team meetings about “banter”, and yes, wear their baggy greens to Wimbledon.
And it’s why, despite his obvious talents, we pray to God Langer doesn’t wash up on these shores next. British sport already has enough “pride in the jersey” bollocks to go round.
