In an age of rampant greed and complex bonus structures, Monza owner Silvio Berlusconi takes an old school approach to incentivising his players.
Speaking at the club’s Christmas dinner, the permatanned old sleazebag told the squad: “Now you will play Milan, Juventus. If you win against one of these top teams, I’ll bring a coachload of whores into the locker room.”
Parole indegne, ancora più ignobili se a proferirle è un senatore della Repubblica e leader di un partito.
The pep talk was greeted with big bawdy cheers from the men in the audience, and horrified silence from the women.
It’s a surprise they were present at all – normally you’d expect Silvio to show the wives and female staff out the room with a quick pat on the bum, but his own wife was in the front row to see him rouse the troops.
And if you’re wondering what kind of woman would marry an 85-year-old disgraced politician who is so de-sensitised to prostitutes that he measures them by the “coachload”, then the answer is 32-year-old Marta Fascina.
Although for the sake of accuracy, we should say the pair aren’t technically married – Silvio’s kids blocked them from formally marrying so they held a non-binding “festival of love” ceremony in April.
From mafia match-fixing to Gianluca Scammaca’s terrifying family, the walls between crime and football in Italy are surprisingly porous.
But even in that murky swamp, referee RosarioD’Onofrio stands out. The bloke is bent as a nine bob note.
By day, D‘Onners is a widely respected blazer in the national referees’ association. But he’s been living a secret life as a crime boss, smuggling tonnes of marijuana across borders and threatening to torture his enemies.
Hilariously, he was convicted and placed under house arrest last year without his bosses at the referee association realising. They even gave him a promotion.
West Ham have had rotten luck with strikers in recent years, but there’s cautious optimism about 23-year-old Gianluca Scamacca, who joins from Italian side Sassuolo for £35 million.
There’s just one drawback: his terrifying family.
Last year his father, Gianluca Snr, was arrested after driving through a barrier protecting Roma’s training ground and demanding money from one of the club directors before going on a rampage.
He destroyed several cars, a statue of a wolf, and the famous bonsai tree Roma won in a pre-season tournament, which at the time was the only trophy they’d won in 13 years.
Not to be outdone, Gianluca’s grandfather also ended up in the slammer after getting hammered and stumbling into a Rome bar with a knife in his hand, which he then held to a punter’s throat.
West Ham’s porn king owners David Gold and David Sullivan are used to dealing with the odd gangster, but not sure they fancy hosting the Scamacca clan.
The air was thick with shisha smoke and pints of mint tea rained down on the caffeinated hordes at Boxpark Riyadh after minnows Saudi Arabia humbled Lionel Messi’s Argentina with a 2-1 victory yesterday.
And while it wasn’t quite flares up bums time yet, the shock scoreline did trigger some pretty un-Saudi scenes among victorious fans.
Like the bloke above, who ripped the door off his house and lobbed it in the garden while his mates went beserk in the living room.
There was plenty of self-congratulation at Brewdog this week, as they proclaimed themselves “anti-sponsors” of the World Cup in a new ad campaign.
As part of the stunt, CEO James Watts (above) attacked the World Cup hosts for promoting “corruption, abuse and death” and announced, “We’re putting our money where our mouth is, with all the profits from our Lost Lager sold during the tournament going to fight human rights abuse.”
Presumably those profits will include proceeds from the lucrative deal Brewdog struck recently to supply beer to, er, Qatar, as part of an agreement with the state-owned Qatari Distribution Company.
Brewdog signed the deal with the gulf state three months ago – just in time to flog its drinks to the thousands of fans travelling there for the World Cup!
Speaking of forgotten Newcastle signings, Chancel Mbemba scored for Marseille against Tottenham this week.
When he joined the Magpies in the bad old days of Mike Ashley, they spelled his name wrong on the back of his shirt (see above).
Although Mbemba probably wasn’t bothered: he’s not exactly a details man himself.
The Congolese centre back – pictured below arriving for his signing ceremony in full black tie – has officially changed his date of birth no less than four times.
His original birth certificate claimed he was born in 1988. But this then changed to 1990, which a Congolese official later admitted was done so he could qualify as an under 23 for their Olympic squad.
Mbemba then told teammates his year of birth was 1991, before taking bone tests when he signed for Newcastle which said he he was born in ’94.
Speaking about it in 2015, he said: “People in Africa know, me and my family, friends and anyone who knows Chancel Mbemba knows I was born on August 8th, 1994. That is all that matters.”
