Huge love for the pettiness of Royal Antwerp striker Didier Lamkel Zé, who showed up to training wearing the shirt of bitter rivals Anderlecht. He is trying to force a transfer to Panathinaikos.
Sadly club security saw the Cameroon striker coming and held the door shut like an older sibling, leaving our desperate hero to try and force his way in. We regret to inform you he was unsuccessful.
He later told reporters: “It’s simple: I want to go to Greece.”
Regular readers know we are absolutely fascinated by Neymar’s family life, which throws up the kind of drama which would embarrass a meth smoking soap opera character.
Before we dive in to the latest, here’s a quick recap.
Previously on Neymar’s Feral Family:
But there was still time for one last twist, which duly arrived when their romantic meal was interrupted by three men bursting into the restaurant and stabbing Tiago.
The troubled toyboy posted an Instagram video after the attack, showing his face and neck covered in blood.
He told his followers: “I almost died for something I didn’t do…I don’t know what happened.
“This is not going to stay the way it is. I have the number of the person who did this and I am going to return to Mexico.”
Ian Botham entered the House of Lords this week, and WhatsApp groups across the nation were immediately flooded with pictures of his scaly, flaccid cock.
The England legend once accidentally tweeted a dick pic with the caption “what are you thinking…xx” to his 400,000 followers. Beefy immediately denied it was his, and blamed “idiots” who hacked him, but we aren’t buying it.
You can see it here.
It’s been a while since we checked in on Neymar‘s chaotic personal life, and we can confirm it’s still worthy of a soap opera.
You will of course recall Tiago Ramos (above, right), who dated the Brazil striker’s mother until it emerged he was bisexual. Soon after, he was taken to hospital after mysteriously “falling down the stairs” during an argument with Neymar.
Around the same time, Neymar was recorded joking about shoving a broom up Tiago’s arse and calling for homosexuals to be “impaled alive”, which to be honest is the kind of stuff a closeted gay psychopath would say.
Anyway, following the bloodshed, a campaigner called Agripino Magalhães called on the police to arrest the PSG striker and investigate.
Grippers has now popped up with a lawsuit, accusing Neymar‘s pals of beating him up and robbing him after he turned down a $350,000 bribe to drop the complaint. He says he “only wasn’t killed because the gun didn’t go off”.
He’s now in hiding and is still receiving death threats, including (he says) from Neymar‘s lawyer. All suitably terrifying.
This is absolutely not an invitation to Neymar‘s terrifying mates, but gun to your head question: do you think Neymar shagged this Tiago guy and is now trying to cover it up?
Despite Scottie Pippen‘s huge personal wealth, the Chicago Bull is notoriously stingy: he even earned the nickname “No Tippin’ Pippen” because he never gives anything to waiters. Rival Charles Barkley once said: “There’s nobody cheaper than Scottie Pippen and Michael Jordan.”
But 6ft 8in Scottie took this to extreme lengths in 2017 when he sued a five year old girl for defacing the walls of a house he rented to her family.
Pippen was originally suing her parents, who he said had done serious damage to the house. But when he discovered their daughter – aged four at the time – had drawn on the wall in crayon, he sued her too. Nice!
A quick reminder of all the voodoo shit Novak Djokovic is into.
According the Guardian, here are some of his other madcap beliefs:
And when the pandemic started, Novak’s wife shared the conspiracy theory that coronavirus is spread by 5G. All normal stuff!