Category Archives: Cycling

1st Aug, 2022 Cycling

You are lying, you are not David Beckham

Some cracking names in the Indian Keirin team at the Commonwealth Games – amazing that they’re both on the same team.

Ronaldo Laitonjam is actually named after Brazil star Ronaldinho, who scored that surprise 40 yard free kick against England on the day he was born.

Ronaldo explained: “I think my dad won some money that day. That’s probably why I got that name. He felt I was very lucky for him”.

David Beckham Elkatohchoongo on the other hand, just comes from a Man United supporting family.

He had real trouble getting into the UK last week because an eagle-eyed passport inspector somehow deduced that he wasn’t the real David Beckham.

He told an interviewer: “When I got to the airport, the inspector said, ‘Is that really your name, David Beckham? You are lying, you are not David Beckham.'”

To be fair, he’s nailed the haircut…

17th Feb, 2022 Cycling

Rolling pedals for the gold medals: the Astana rap track

With its rich history of doping, the Astana cycling team is to clean and fair competition what Edward Scissorhands is to wanking.

Given that tradition of dodgy dealings, it’s fitting that the Kazakh outfit have released a new rap track, imaginatively titled Astana is My Team.

The video sees a procession of riders and staff deliver patriotic rhymes and slightly laboured dance moves.

Overall we’d describe the vibe as “international school kids borrowing their Dad’s GoPro”, although the chorus “rolling pedals, for the gold medals” is surprisingly catchy.

There’s even a role for the team’s Bond villain manager, Alexander Vinokourov. A former doper himself, Vino is, and we don’t use this expression lightly, bent as a nine bob note.

Most famously, he paid a rival €100k to let him win a race, which is one way to get those gold medals.