Chelsea owner Todd Boehly might have asked his manager to field 12 players, but when it comes to the business side, he’s got it all worked out… right?
According to Popbitch, in a recent meeting with some football agents, the American was asked how he planned to recoup his £500 million shopping spree in the transfer market.
Boehly assured them the club could easily afford to spunk Liberia’s budget deficit on new players because they qualify automatically for the ChampionsLeague every year, raking in millions in TV money as a result.
After an awkward silence, one agent piped up to explain that Chelsea did not automatically get a spot in the ChampionsLeague, and were unlikely to make it next season considering they are currently 10th in the league.
“That’s nonsense! We’re in it every year. Always have been.” the American chuckled, before excusing himself from the meeting.
After consulting his team, he returned a few minutes later and admitted he’d got it wrong. Whoops.
Among all the tributes to Pele, it would be remiss of us not to mention the old champ’s inveterate appetite for shagging.
Like Boris Johnson and his old pal Maradona, the charismatic striker sired so many lovechildren he forgot how many he had.
In a Netflix doc last year, he defended his total lack of fidelity, telling them: “My first wife, first girlfriend, knew about it. I never lied.” Which feels like a pretty small consolation, even now.
The doc paid less attention to his seven year relationship with model Xuxa. When the pair (pictured above) first got together, Pele was 41 and she was 17.
The annals of Cameroonian football are littered with famous names who defied the march of time.
From the great Roger Milla, who scored in a World Cup aged 42, to 41 cap international Tobie Mimboe who – according to his birth certificates – completed the rare feat of growing younger throughout the 1990s.
So it’s exciting to see the next generation emulating their heroes by turning back the clock.
After growing suspicious of their Under-17 side’s thick stubble and receding hairlines, Cameroon conducted MRI scans which showed 21 members of the squad were lying about their age.
The decision means the Indomitable Lions have lost 70% of their squad ahead of a big tournament.
In an age of rampant greed and complex bonus structures, Monza owner Silvio Berlusconi takes an old school approach to incentivising his players.
Speaking at the club’s Christmas dinner, the permatanned old sleazebag told the squad: “Now you will play Milan, Juventus. If you win against one of these top teams, I’ll bring a coachload of whores into the locker room.”
Parole indegne, ancora più ignobili se a proferirle è un senatore della Repubblica e leader di un partito.
The pep talk was greeted with big bawdy cheers from the men in the audience, and horrified silence from the women.
It’s a surprise they were present at all – normally you’d expect Silvio to show the wives and female staff out the room with a quick pat on the bum, but his own wife was in the front row to see him rouse the troops.
And if you’re wondering what kind of woman would marry an 85-year-old disgraced politician who is so de-sensitised to prostitutes that he measures them by the “coachload”, then the answer is 32-year-old Marta Fascina.
Although for the sake of accuracy, we should say the pair aren’t technically married – Silvio’s kids blocked them from formally marrying so they held a non-binding “festival of love” ceremony in April.
From mafia match-fixing to Gianluca Scammaca’s terrifying family, the walls between crime and football in Italy are surprisingly porous.
But even in that murky swamp, referee RosarioD’Onofrio stands out. The bloke is bent as a nine bob note.
By day, D‘Onners is a widely respected blazer in the national referees’ association. But he’s been living a secret life as a crime boss, smuggling tonnes of marijuana across borders and threatening to torture his enemies.
Hilariously, he was convicted and placed under house arrest last year without his bosses at the referee association realising. They even gave him a promotion.
West Ham have had rotten luck with strikers in recent years, but there’s cautious optimism about 23-year-old Gianluca Scamacca, who joins from Italian side Sassuolo for £35 million.
There’s just one drawback: his terrifying family.
Last year his father, Gianluca Snr, was arrested after driving through a barrier protecting Roma’s training ground and demanding money from one of the club directors before going on a rampage.
He destroyed several cars, a statue of a wolf, and the famous bonsai tree Roma won in a pre-season tournament, which at the time was the only trophy they’d won in 13 years.
Not to be outdone, Gianluca’s grandfather also ended up in the slammer after getting hammered and stumbling into a Rome bar with a knife in his hand, which he then held to a punter’s throat.
West Ham’s porn king owners David Gold and David Sullivan are used to dealing with the odd gangster, but not sure they fancy hosting the Scamacca clan.
