Another beautiful ensemble from Dominic Calvert-Lewin, who met up with American rapper Common and came dressed as the late Colonel Gaddafi.
It was a big week for other Premier League fashionistas too – below you’ll find Arsenal’s on-loan defender Hector Bellerin and Man United full back Alex Telles, who does a great Salt Bae impression.
The third tier Europa Conference League already has something of an image problem, so the last thing its fans needed was a dog running on to the field before a game and depositing a huge steaming turd on the turf while staring straight at the TV camera.
But that’s exactly what happened before Partizan Belgrade’s tie with Cypriot giants Anorthosis Famagusta.
The recent wave of pitch invasions was kind of charming at first. Like reliving football in the 80s, but without the constant threat of leaving with two black eyes and a Chelsea smile.
But it’s getting boring now. Personally we’d like to see a player absolutely Roy Keane one of these Tik Tok punks. Just fly in from behind, and scythe them down with a studs up, two footed shitwhistler of a foul.
So hats off to Chelsea’s Sam Kerr for getting things started – the Australian dealt with a cocky young lad by shoulder barging him to the ground. The ref showed her a yellow for it, which is ridiculous.
Good hit though. Reminiscent of big Andy Symonds taking out a streaker at the Gabba in 2018.
In a similar vein to our Oliver Kahn story, did you ever see Michael Owen’s Soccer Skills?
Officially a training video for young hopefuls, the show sees the Premier League’s top scorer shatter the hopes and dreams of a group of school children for his own amusement.
In one memorable scene, Owen installs a 13-year-old in a full size goal, and smacks volley after volley past the boy from point blank range, letting out the occasional triumphant laugh.
“I just love volleying – poor old Jamie has no chance,” Owen chuckles, after beating the child for the 22nd time.
Later, Everton goalkeeper Neville Southall is drafted in to give poor Jamie some pointers. The Welshman soon becomes frustrated as Owen – seemingly unaware of what a dick he’s being – dinks the ball over Jamie and celebrates by pointing to the name on the back of his shirt, like he’s just hit the winner in the Merseyside derby.
Then comes a moment of TV gold. The England striker curls one past Jamie, exclaiming “Geeeet innnnn there” and leading Southall to snap back: “Well done, he’s 13.”
But Owen isn’t bothered, declaring it “game set and match Owen” as he strides off.
Last week we regaled our Gold members with a story about Joe Hart losing his rag with a child who dared to mock him, booting his ball into a car park.
Following that story, a Shotter named Camilla writes:
I read about a similar tale involving terrifying former Germany goalkeeper Oliver Kahn.
Apparently he once played in a penalty shootout against a group of nine year olds. For every penalty the kids scored, money was given to charity.
Kahn saved every single one.
Love it, keep the letters coming – just reply to this email.
It all got a bit much for Leeds sporting director Victor Orta last weekend – the Spaniard had to be restrained at the final whistle because he wouldn’t stop barking “shut up” at one of his own fans.
If Orta wants advice on dealing with unruly supporters, he should take a leaf out of his manager Marcelo Bielsa’s book.
Back in 1992, when Bielsa was gaffer at Argentine side Newell’s, the club lost a game 6-0 and a pack of angry ultras turned up outside his house to have a word.
Unfazed by their menacing chants, Bielsa appeared at the front door in his pyjamas, clutching a hand grenade in his right hand, and threatening to pull the pin if they didn’t leave.
As the fans fled, Marcelo chased down the street after them, yelling “do you still want to talk?”