Just when it seemed like the credits were rolling on everyone’s favourite soap opera, the macabre psychodrama of French football has thrown up another ludicrous plotline.
This time Paul Pogba is the unfortunate protagonist: the former United midfielder has accused his own brother and several childhood friends of kidnapping him with assault rifles and then trying to blackmail him for £11 million.
Pogba says the gang of hooded men dragged him to an apartment in Paris and demanded “protection money” for the last 13 years. He paid them £100k as a peace offering but the threats continued.
According to French investigators, the gang said they would reveal incriminating details about Pogba‘s private life, including a claim that he hired a witch doctor to curse his France teammate Kylian Mbappe.
The news emerged after Pogba‘s brother Mathias released a video threatening his brother and Mbappe with “damaging revelations”.
“Everything could be explosive and make a lot of noise,” he warned.
As you can see from the above pic of them in a charity friendly, Paul used to be close with Mathias, whose career peaked with underwhelming spells at Wrexham and Patrick Thistle.
But apparently his brother and their friends became resentful of Paul’s millions and wanted a slice of the pie.
So they did what any reasonable person would: grabbed their assault rifles!
Here’s Newcastle’s Allan Saint-Maximin handing a Rolex to a Newcastle fan who, you have to say, could’ve looked a bit more excited about randomly receiving a ten grand timepiece.
Although it turns out it wasn’t a random gift – Saint-Maximin knows the guy from the local board game community, in which he is an active member.
In fact, the Frenchman released his own card game called Helios, based on Greek mythology, his favourite subject.
He explained earlier this year: “I tested it with friends. We started to play small tournaments at home. It took two and a half years – but I am really happy that I didn’t stop.”
He invited 40 Geordies to the launch event at a local hotel where he spent nine hours teaching them the rules and giving cash prizes to the winners.
We’ve been eagerly awaiting RichardKeys‘ inevitable blog post on the Women’s Euros, and it is does not disappoint.
After getting the platitudes out the way, Keysy reflects on his downfall/stitch-up, blaming “carefully edited phone footage” and reminding readers of all the great things he said about linesman Sian Massey before he ridiculed her presence.
It’s pure David Brent: they filmed hours of material, and most of it is a good bloke doing a good job. But the one time you humiliate a female official and talk about “smashing it” and “hanging out the back of” women, they put that on TV.
He even finds time to blame Massey herself:
It was Sian that introduced me to the word ‘banter’. She used it in the conversation I had with her on the Sunday when I called to apologise for what was said in the hack. But she shouldn’t have done. What she should have told me was ‘not funny Richard. It doesn’t help’. It was some time before I realised that.
And then, our favourite part, Keys suggests he might be partly responsible for England’s victory at Wembley:
Ironically, I think the incident did help in many ways – but that was a lucky by-product. I think a lot of people look back on it now as a turning point in how seriously men were prepared to take women’s football. Most of us have realised things had to change.
Finally, he reveals he has been anonymously donating money to a women’s football team “in my manor” for years, but insisted that no one ever found out about his sponsorship. Until now, apparently.
It’s often said footballers live a childlike existence, and here’s further proof: a leaked list of the fines for Aston Villa’s squad next season.
Particularly enjoyed the punishment to deal with snus – those little bags of tobacco that go in your mouth.
Didn’t realise it was so popular in football but it makes sense – it’s a nicotine hit without filling your lungs with smoke.
If you’re wondering about the “cakes on birthday” rule – the birthday boy is expected to bring in cake for all his teammates. Which possibly explains the size of John McGinn’s arse.
Finally, can someone shed some light on why they have to wear flip flops in the shower? Is that to prevent athlete’s foot?
It’s been a tough start for former England Women’s manager PhilNeville who is now the gaffer at Inter Miami the new American side owned by David Beckham.
Following a poor first season, Miami are languishing in the bottom half of the table once again.
Given those struggles, it was slightly odd to hear Neville describe this week’s friendly against Barcelona as “the biggest game in the club’s history”, but such is life for these credibility-hungry MLS franchises.
Anyway, at least Miami fans could look forward to the manager picking a full-strength side, including stars like Gonzalo Higuain and er, Harvey Neville, Phil‘s son, who came on at half-time despite never having played in the American top flight before.
He was joined soon after by another young gun with no MLS experience – a Mr Romeo Beckham.
Erling Haaland might be trousering £2,000 an hour from Man City, but he knows a bargain when he sees one.
The Norwegian striker headed to a big Sainsbury’s this week to stock up his Manchester digs like a fresher milking the parents for one last shop.
We’d always assumed he lived off creatine and lamb’s blood, but it was a fairly normal looking trolley: pedal bins, glassware, a big ol’ bottle of ketchup and a year’s supply of Malden sea salt.
Not pictured: large box of condoms, £1 pack of disgusting wafer ham, 12 frozen pizzas, Trainspotting poster, 10 pack of Richmond Superkings, paracetamol, 100 canisters of Mr Creamy laughing gas, Babybels and some Robinson’s fruit squash which he’ll later mix with Glen’s Vodka in a huge Sports Direct mug.
Anyway, good on him. Although for sheer domestic misery, it doesn’t beat Bruno Fernandes and his wife’s iconic trip to Tesco.
