‘Bang you and eat you’: Welcome to David Haye’s exhausting three-way relationship
After two decades of 5am shuttle runs, 16 egg omelettes and uppercuts to the face, you’d think David Haye would want to put his feet up.
Instead, the 42-year-old has signed-up for an exhausting new assignment: a three way relationship.
The old warhorse has added Saturdays singer Una Healey to his two year romance with model Sian Osbourne, and the trio have informed their families they are officially a “thruple.”
Haye follows in a long line of Upshot favourites who tried to have their cake and eat it, including Brazilian strikers Adriano and Ronaldinho.
The latter smugly described himself as “adept at polygamy” after installing his three girlfriends in the same hotel, but ended up in court when two of them sued him.
The Hayemaker’s revelation shouldn’t come as a total shock – he’s always shunned the stifling conventions of polite society.
A few years ago the 42-year-old explained he abstains from sex entirely in the lead up to a big fight:
I don’t ejaculate for six weeks before any boxing contest. It’s simple – it sounds a bit crazy…
The way I see it, a lion is most dangerous when it’s hungry and when it’s horny. If a lion has just ate an antelope and shagged another lioness – you can walk up to it and pat it on the head.
But if it’s hungry and hasn’t eaten for a while, and it’s horny, go anywhere near it and it’s gonna bang you and eat you.
And as he grows his pride of females, we can look forward to Haye marking his territory with urine, roaring menacingly to warn intruders, and chasing off animals that encroach on his turf.
