As Prince Andrew sweats (or not) over the decision of a New York court, word reaches the Upshot that his favourite golf club are cutting ties with their former captain.
At the Royal and Ancient club in St Andrews – aka the governing body of golf – a portrait of every past captain hangs in the famous club house.
Every past captain that is, except for Randy Andy, whose painting, which was specially commissioned in 2006 and used to have pride of place, has mysteriously disappeared.
As Dutch left-back Jeff Hardeveld trudged off following a red card last summer, he was braced for a bollocking from his manager and a long journey home.
He certainly didn’t have time to notice the attentions of fourth official Shona Shukrula, who stood on the touchline, mentally undressing him and wondering whether he was kind to animals and children.
But the pair got talking and now, four months later, they have officially announced they are a couple. Mazel tov!
At this point you’re probably wondering why Djokovic doesn’t just get the sodding vaccine.
A reminder then, of all the voodoo shit he’s into:
- Djoko says his career was “defined” by the day a doctor (presumably a witch doctor) pressed a slice of white bread into his stomach to diagnose him as gluten intolerant.
- Believes in telepathy and telekinesis (the ability to move physical matter with your brain).
- Opposes surgery and cried for three days in 2018 because he had “failed himself” by having elbow surgery instead of healing himself with natural medicine. He split with coach Andre Agassi over the issue.
- Once promoted the idea that positive thoughts could purify dirty water and make it drinkable.
And let’s not forget the fact he sets a place at the dinner table for his dog…
As Novak Djokovic enjoys the kind of warm welcome Australia usually reserves for asylum seekers, his famously level-headed father is offering up the usual gibberish to the media.
Last time we heard from Srdjan Djokovic, he attacked fans who caught Covid at his son’s Adria Tour event, accusing them of trying to sabotage the tournament, his family and all of Serbia.
He was at it again yesterday, providing our quote of the week and making this slightly confusing speech:
Jesus was crucified and everything was done to him, and he endured, he is still alive among us.
They are trying to crucify Novak in the same way, to underestimate him, to bring him to his knees, to do everything to him.
My late grandmother Sara Jaukovic from Savnik always said ‘shame on you, girl, when you don’t have a face’.
Well, I’m telling them now, shame on you when you don’t have a cheek. To do that to the best athlete, tennis player in the world.
He also claimed it was an attack on Serbia, before his wife chipped in to suggest a different motive: “This is a clear political attack on Novak Djokovic so that he doesn’t win and doesn’t become the greatest of all time.”
Yep, it’s definitely that.
Credit to FrothyGuinness on Reddit for that observation.
