Tyson Fury has already begun the inevitable climbdown from his “retirement”.
The Gypsy King is in training and refusing to give up his WBO belt. He’s also named his opening price – £500 million.
Plus, his ‘orrible old man, John ‘do you like a dog‘ Fury said this week Anthony Joshua is the only person his son wants to fight.
Fury has long held a fascination with Joshua. In 2016 he told an interviewer, “I don’t hate Joshua, I don’t dislike the guy.
“He’s doing well, he’s got a good body. I bet he’s got a big cock and all. Probably I wish I had it, but who cares.”
If you haven’t already seen the video of retired heavyweight Julius Francis – who once fought Mike Tyson – knocking out an unpleasant punter at Boxpark Wembley, then we urge you to watch it now.
Since his knockout victory, both the police and Boxpark have sided with Julius, and public clamour is growing for the 57-year-old to come out of retirement for an exhibition fight.
Someone even updated his Wikipedia page to include the knockout of “Blue DuRag Man” on his professional boxing record.
As for Blue DuRag Man himself, last we heard he was still on the pavement outside the food market. Hopefully he’s got some smelling salts in his hand bag.
The Golden State Warriors are a game away from winning the NBA Championship and their star player Steph Curry has got plenty on his plate.
The last thing he needs is his parents and their friends putting their car keys in a bowl and holding some kind of Eyes Wide Shut swingers night live on ESPN while he’s playing ball six yards away.
But that’s exactly what’s happening – following their split last year, Curry’s parents have wife-swapped with another couple and both new couples were courtside in Boston on Tuesday to watch the Warriors take a 3-2 lead in the seven game series.
On a scale of 1 to Neymar, it’s still not as fucked up as your mum dating your 24-year-old secret lover, but it’s pretty bloody distracting.
As Wimbledon approaches, it’s great to see Nick Kyrgios hitting a rich vein of form. By which we mean losing his mind over some minor disagreement with the umpire.
After smashing his racquet in his defeat to Andy Murray last week (see clip above), Kyrgios teetered on the brink of a meltdown again during a clash with world number six Stefanos Tsitsipas.
He broke another racquet in anger and had a hissy fit with the officials after they penalised him for time wasting.
But for once he held it together long enough to win the quarter-final match, and pulled out some delicious shots in the process, like this wristy number.
Kyrgios is damn good on grass – looking forward to seeing his box of tricks en route to the inevitable meltdown and exit in the fourth round.
Look, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a little cry in this day and age, especially if you’ve just completed a major sporting triumph.
That said, if you are going to weep publicly, try and do it with a little more poise and dignity than super featherweight Jimmy Lee.
https://twitter.com/SkySportsBoxing/status/1535714022049423360
The Guildford-born fighter broke down mid-interview after stopping Ricky Starkey at Wembley Stadium, announcing tearfully, “I’m made for this game, and anybody who wants it, can have it!”
It probably seemed quite defiant in his head, but combined with the sobbing, he ended up sounding like an 11 year old who’s just had his Xbox taken away because he punched his brother after losing at FIFA.
Darren Bent surprised a few people this week when he chose the 2000s as the decade in history he would go back to.
“The music was better back then,” Bent explained, although the decade also coincided with Dazza’s goalscoring (and presumably shagging) pomp.
https://twitter.com/talkSPORT/status/1534181637604274177
But it got me thinking – when was the best time to be a professional footballer? Here are my rankings…
1. The 90s
Unquestionably the golden age. The big money has arrived, and so has the fame. But Arsene Wenger’s Mars Bar ban has yet to fully usher in the soulless hyper-professionalism that would turn playing football into an actual job.
Players still get their dentist chair nights out, and while increasingly hostile, the press haven’t started rummaging through their bins yet. Shagging is still a virtue and the fans are a lot less terrifying than in the 80s.
2. The 2000s
More money, more tabloid hell. This was the decade where the papers fully turned on footballers, hacking their phones and exposing England’s golden generation with a series of mean-spirited stings like the News of the World’s moral panic about spit roasting and that weird (false) rumour about Ashley Cole, DJ Masterstepz and the mobile phone. Plus, you had to take fitness seriously.
Otherwise, it was basically a continuation of the 90s.
3. 1960-1980
Let’s deal with the big glaring con first of all – there was nae money in it. In 1961, the average top flight player earned £20 a week – £17k a year in today’s terms. By 1979, when Trevor Francis became the first million pound player, they earned the equivalent £90,000 a year. Hardly terrible, but it doesn’t fly your extended family to Mykonos every summer.
But put cash aside, and this was an incredible time to have the job. On the pitch, it was one of the great romantic eras, as the World Cup expanded and clubs carved out their identities in the new European competitions.
And yeah, a wonderful time to go on rampage of boozing, shagging and drug-taking. If that was your thing.
4. The current era (2010-22)
There’s a lot to like about being a footballer today. The game is more skilful and fast. The money is simply ridiculous, even for lesser stars. The press are both weaker and kinder than they once were. Managers are softer too. And the entire world seems to care about what you do.
But… what the fuck is up with the fans? If they aren’t hounding you on social media, they’re invading the pitch and harassing you for a selfie like you’re a zoo animal.
The online abuse is the really bad part. It’s one thing to hear 40,000 people chanting that you’re a “cheating little cunt” once a week, but to have it pumped to your phone every few seconds is something new and soul-sapping.
Due to fitness demands and the terrifying public, it’s extremely hard to have any kind of “normal life” outside football. So you retreat to your gilded cage.
5. The 1980s
A dark decade. In it’s defence, the 80s was the last era of innocent charm, before the big money Premier League washed it all away. The FA Cup was still the pinnacle of the sporting calendar, and Maradona brought unimaginable mystique and stardust to World Cups and European club football.
But the cons list is long: Hooliganism. Tragedies. Empty stands. Very overt racism. Bastard managers and violent defenders.
Great music though.
6. Before 1950
A simpler time – when 300,000 fans wearing ties and collars would cram into Wembley to watch the Cup final. Players moved freely among fans, without the stresses of celebrity status.
But in every other respect, it was a pretty bad time to be a pro. The cash was almost non-existent, and for most of the period your status as a top athlete didn’t preclude you from scrubbing factory floors or choking on chlorine gas in some lice-infested shell crater in Northern Europe. So for that reason, it’s in last place.
