Chelsea owner Todd Boehly might have asked his manager to field 12 players, but when it comes to the business side, he’s got it all worked out… right?
According to Popbitch, in a recent meeting with some football agents, the American was asked how he planned to recoup his £500 million shopping spree in the transfer market.
Boehly assured them the club could easily afford to spunk Liberia’s budget deficit on new players because they qualify automatically for the ChampionsLeague every year, raking in millions in TV money as a result.
After an awkward silence, one agent piped up to explain that Chelsea did not automatically get a spot in the ChampionsLeague, and were unlikely to make it next season considering they are currently 10th in the league.
“That’s nonsense! We’re in it every year. Always have been.” the American chuckled, before excusing himself from the meeting.
After consulting his team, he returned a few minutes later and admitted he’d got it wrong. Whoops.
Cricket fans will remember former Aussie captain MichaelClarke as a baby-faced batsman with a cheeky smile and puppy dog eyes.
But these days the 41-year-old looks like a botoxed, permatanned hairdresser who bowls around in a convertible with a couple of yapping Shih Tzus in the passenger seat.
And it turns out he’s got the messy private life to match: a topless Clarke was filmed having an almighty screaming match with his girlfriend in a public park the the other night after she accused him of cheating.
Among the highlights: Clarke trying to start a fight with his TV presenter brother-in-law, who was trying to keep the peace.
The Neighbours-esquedrama climaxes with Clarke begging her to slap him: “Do it to me! Do it to me!”, which she eventually does, causing a really satisfying sound.
After two decades of 5am shuttle runs, 16 egg omelettes and uppercuts to the face, you’d think David Haye would want to put his feet up.
Instead, the 42-year-old has signed-up for an exhausting new assignment: a three way relationship.
The old warhorse has added Saturdays singer Una Healey to his two year romance with model Sian Osbourne, and the trio have informed their families they are officially a “thruple.”
Haye follows in a long line of Upshot favourites who tried to have their cake and eat it, including Brazilian strikers Adriano and Ronaldinho.
The latter smugly described himself as “adept at polygamy” after installing his three girlfriends in the same hotel, but ended up in court when two of them sued him.
The Hayemaker’s revelation shouldn’t come as a total shock – he’s always shunned the stifling conventions of polite society.
A few years ago the 42-year-old explained he abstains from sex entirely in the lead up to a big fight:
I don’t ejaculate for six weeks before any boxing contest. It’s simple – it sounds a bit crazy…
The way I see it, a lion is most dangerous when it’s hungry and when it’s horny. If a lion has just ate an antelope and shagged another lioness – you can walk up to it and pat it on the head.
But if it’s hungry and hasn’t eaten for a while, and it’s horny, go anywhere near it and it’s gonna bang you and eat you.
And as he grows his pride of females, we can look forward to Haye marking his territory with urine, roaring menacingly to warn intruders, and chasing off animals that encroach on his turf.
Among all the tributes to Pele, it would be remiss of us not to mention the old champ’s inveterate appetite for shagging.
Like Boris Johnson and his old pal Maradona, the charismatic striker sired so many lovechildren he forgot how many he had.
In a Netflix doc last year, he defended his total lack of fidelity, telling them: “My first wife, first girlfriend, knew about it. I never lied.” Which feels like a pretty small consolation, even now.
The doc paid less attention to his seven year relationship with model Xuxa. When the pair (pictured above) first got together, Pele was 41 and she was 17.
The annals of Cameroonian football are littered with famous names who defied the march of time.
From the great Roger Milla, who scored in a World Cup aged 42, to 41 cap international Tobie Mimboe who – according to his birth certificates – completed the rare feat of growing younger throughout the 1990s.
So it’s exciting to see the next generation emulating their heroes by turning back the clock.
After growing suspicious of their Under-17 side’s thick stubble and receding hairlines, Cameroon conducted MRI scans which showed 21 members of the squad were lying about their age.
The decision means the Indomitable Lions have lost 70% of their squad ahead of a big tournament.
“Lovely to meet Sir Alex Ferguson at Manchester Old Trafford Stadium,” AmirKhan tweeted this week. “Best known for managing Manchester United from 1986 to 2013. He is widely regarded as one of the greatest football managers of all time”.
Lovely to meet Sir Alex Ferguson at Manchester Old Trafford Stadium. Best known for managing Manchester United from 1986 to 2013. He is widely regarded as one of the greatest football managers of all time @ManUtdpic.twitter.com/HclmVpIETg
